BREXIT: What You NEED to know


It’s Brexit stage left. Yesterday, the Brits’ decided to give the EU the bird. They went and flung that ideal of unity out the window. Voted to cut their losses and get off the train before the tracks reached the canyon and the wagons went “Ka-Pow”.

In a historic election, those Harry Potter lovin’ redcoats grabbed the status quo, plunged it into the blender and hit puree. The United Kingdom, as of today 24th of June, is no longer part of the European Union. The effects of this dazzling new transition are already being felt throughout the world.

Why did it happen? In hindsight how could it have been averted? Was it prophesied? Why didn’t my 1-800 fortune teller warm me?

All that rubbish and more isn’t what this article is about. What’s done is done. No need to cry over spilled milk. What we should, nonetheless, figure out is the consequences of Brexit and what’s to come. Try to find a north.. Cause right now, the Earth feels like it is in the middle of one crappy acid-trip.

How Brexit Will Feel

1.- Prime Minister, David Cameron: As a staunch supporter of staying within the EU, has just been handed a heavy blow. He basically staked his reputation on the triumph of his vision and party. So, with that said, you can probably bet that he will be presenting his resignation. [UPDATE: He has.]

“It would be seen as political suicide to go against the will of the people as expressed in a referendum,” noted the BBC. With that said, opposition leaders, those that want Cameron on the spit-roast and served over bangers and mash, are no doubt sharpening their knives and salivating at the gums.

2.- The United Kingdom “Disassembled”: Not everyone was in favor of the BREXIT (British Exit) panorama. Merry old England hasn’t exactly been a model of stability. The Scots’ and the Irish have always wanted their own claim of “Freedom!!!” Both locales voted for backing the EU. Already, rumblings of independence from those Avant “William Wallaces” can be heard in the pipeline. Ireland, on her part, has been known for sporting a fuse dozed in gasoline no bigger than a dwarf’s pecker. Northern Ireland lives in a fragile peace process with the Queen and her chums’. Those U2 enthusiasts have a great relationship with Brussels (they border that region). Brussels, meanwhile, has injected millions of Euros to support the peace accords between the Catholics and Protestants. The Nationalists, consider that Brussels (EU nation) is more of an ally than England.

3.- An Economic FUCK ME, FUCK YOU, FUCK EVERYONE: The BREXIT shock-waves are already been felt throughout the land. The stock market has taken a swan dive and the Euro is being kicked around by Uncle Sam. Meanwhile, the Pound (England’s new Brexit currency), is being used by Parker Brothers for their latest version of Monopoly.  The term the market big-shots are using is: “Explosion Of Volatility”.

“If you are Nissan or some other car producer with major production in the UK, today, the same safety standards and environmental standards allow you to sell everywhere in the European market,” Jacob Funk Kirkegaard, an economist at the Peterson Institute for International Economics, argued. “You would no longer be able to sell into other European markets, not because you face a small tariff but because you’d have to go through another set of safety certifications. This kind of thing would be repeated in every industry you can think of.”

4.- Labor Shift (We are out of here): HSBC, JPMorgan and various multinationals situated in London are packing their bags and heading off to Paris or Germany. The blue collar, Doctor Who fanatics, are finding out that today’s free break-room croissants are being supplanted by boots up the rear.

5.- Immigration: This is one of the central themes of this whole debacle, perhaps even the flame that sparked the mess. With the advance of Syrian Refuges and the constant threat of ISIS, the lack of border patrol and enforcement in precarious crossings has infused the EU with a mass of impoverished folks and undercover cut-throats. Who is who? Hard to tell. With the United Kingdom clamping down, and implementing a migration policy akin to the points system invented by Australia, the steady flow of travelers and asylum seekers has turned into a trickle that first has to pass through a very, very, VERY, tight pasta strainer. This in turn, shifts a huge weight to Germany, France, and other EU regions. It’s a sack of snakes, that no one particularly wants to play with. They have to pick up the slack.

6.- EU no more: Precedence…. The Brits’ took off. For lack of a better phrase, they proved that it could be done. There is a saying that “a chain is only as strong as its weakest link…” Well, in this chain, one of its STRONGEST links has just decided to seek out greener pastures. If Sherlock Holmes’ countrymen pull it off and make a go of independence. If they manage to display to the world that their way is better. Then Germany, France, Italy and other countries will start to get ideas. They’ll look at their flock, and start asking themselves, “Do we really have to deal with that deadbeat?” While Greece shrinks into the shadows, like the black sheep who simply can’t get his shit together.

Due to a pesky article in The Treaty of The European Union, withdrawal from the EU will take some time; about two years, at the very least. Article 50 contemplates this boondoggle. It establishes a two-year period, in which both parties can hatch out differences. They can get cracking on how to deal with trade tariffs, migration, and the regulation of everything from cars to agriculture.

While Brexit takes place, the world holds it’s breath and anxiously waits to see how the chips will fall. Everybody, every economist and politico honcho, is crossing their fingers and hoping for a good outcome.


hours after hitting the digital press, the Scots’ have just gone all Rebel Alliance on the Empire and Cameron just handed in his resignation. Hate to say it, but: “told you so…”


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