Most men are trained to believe that they will be happiest when they are receiving sex on a regular basis. Scientific studies have proven that the brain actually releases a chemical after the no pants dance is over, a chemical known as oxytocin.
Dopamine and serotonin are also released, so it stands to reason that what a person needs to do to be happier is simply increase the amount of sexual experiences that they have, right?
Wrong. While we are all aware of the many disadvantages that come with too much sex, such as lack of sleep and sore muscles, there are also studies that prove the dangers of having too much sex.
Too much of a good thing? How is this possible? A recent study was done, which forced couples to push their sexual limits, in order to assess whether the quantity of sex was actually meaningful. The results just might leave you shocked, so don’t run out for that Costco sized box of prophylactics just yet.
The study took multiple couples, who ranged from the ages of 35 to 65, and placed each of them in a different group. The control group was allowed to carry on with their normal sex lives and the experimental group was told to double their usual amount of sex.
From there, the participants were asked to report about their experiences, by utilizing an online survey. In an interesting plot twist, the people who were able to double the amount of sex that they were receiving did not report any sort of increase in their happiness.
Instead, they reported feeling less and less happy as time wore on. As it turns out, even the activities we love most can lose their luster if they start to become an obligation.
When having an increased amount of sex becomes an order and it is no longer a choice being made of one’s own volition, it becomes a duty, just like many things in life. The study showed that having sex because you’re supposed to, not because you want to, is a catalyst for diminished interest.
We don’t have sex because we want to be happy; we have sex because it makes us happy. If simply having sex could make us happy, then we would certainly be a lot less selective about who we choose as a partner, right?
How much sex is enough is a question that is typically asked in a relationship context, mostly by women who are unsure of how much sexual interaction their mate needs in order to be happy. Some women will supply their significant other with all of the sex they need and then some, only to find that the person they care for is not happy with the arrangement.
There are even some men who struggle mightily with figuring out this complex puzzle. The answer is that there is no set answer. Each person’s sex drive is different and one partner might be able to unlock certain aspects that another cannot.
Although we are hardwired to seek multiple sex partners, we are also hardwired to seek security, as well. This is why many people will remain with one sex partner over the course of several years. Our sexual attractions and sex drive do not slow down; we merely learn to ignore them for the greater good.
Sure, that cute person from work might provide a great roll in the hay. But are they going to be able to recede into the background after the deed is done? If we were truly hardwired to seek as much sex as possible, these are the kinds of decisions that we would make without a moment’s hesitation.
Comparing sex to drugs is a common metaphor, a trope that has been well worn by writers, musicians, and artists of all stripes. But there is more truth to this comparison than meets the eye. Sex and drugs both tap into areas of the brain that simply can’t be reached otherwise, they both lead to the release of dopamine and serotonin.
For mature adults who are past the point of collecting bedpost notches, the “how much sex is enough?” question can be answered in one way: is this a person that I trust, that I want to spend the rest of my life with?
If so, then the days of getting as much sex as possible are behind you. The amount of sex that is enough for you? It’s the amount of sex that your preferred partner wants to have. Forcing a person into sex when they are not interested makes for tepid, unfeeling lovemaking.
Even though we are raised to think that quantity is the most important factor when it comes to sex, it is quality that should reign supreme, especially for consenting adults. Our youth is for exploration and learning what we like most with partners of varying skill and expertise. Our adult years are for spending time with the same partner and learning their individual needs.
Some people may require sex on a daily basis; others might be fine with the occasional tryst. There is no uniform set of rules for the number of times a person needs to have sex before they have had enough and each person has to make that decision for themselves.
Trying to keep up with the norms of society only leads to sadness over the long haul, when one of your favorite activities turns into an obligation, so make the choice that is best for you.